The story of Barry and Tim’s Excellent Disney half-marathon adventure aka two guys having a mid-life crisis.
They arrived at the Disney motel. Tim booked low budget on this one because Barry is such a tight-wad. At the check in desk Tim whooped out his travel agent badge, another one of his ponzi schemes, and asked for a room upgrade. The lady said, “You’re already in a preferred room.” Barry said, “What if we preferred a better one?” She said, “This IS a VALUE RESORT.” Tim said, “That’s two words that just don’t go together.” Barry asked, “What is a preferred room?” She said, “It’s the one we preferred to put you in.” She had a sense of humor after all.
The next day the boys go to pick up their runner’s packets and T-shirts. Even if they don’t finish the race they get to keep the $100 T-shirt.
Race day began at 2:30 am with an alarm. Bright eyed and bushy tailed the boys headed for the bus to the Epcot starting line. Ok, they got on the bus but weren’t too bushy tailed. The race began at 6:00 am so there was a great deal of time to stand in line at one of the thousands of port-a-pottys. They also watched some guy named Nigel sing 80’s music off key, who had really big hair.
As the starting time neared and the port-a-potty lines grew longer, they started their 1.5 mile trek to the starting line. Guess it was too much to ask for the bus driver to let them out there. Disney had turned the race start into a celebration with music videos, trivia and Mickey Mouse. With thoughts of not finishing, under training and over eating, they turned it into an anxiety attack. Disney announced that along the race there would be several stations with water and sports drinks. Mile 3 was water, mile 8 was food, and mile 12 a morphine drip.
Barry and Tim ran through the Magic Kingdom, Epcot and the Disney sewage treatment facility. It turned out they had made a wrong turn at the Dumbo ride. Once they were back on course, things went well until half way through mile 10 when Tim’s cramps started and Barry’s bladder got full. That’s what you’d call ‘a situation.’ Tim stretched while Barry found a port –a-potty and then the adventure continued, but at a slower pace.
Finally, the end was in sight. For the last half mile the streets were lined with people with bells and whistles cheering everyone on. Disney even had a head cheerleader on a loud speaker with way too much energy. Barry wanted to smack him but couldn’t find him. Tim and Barry crossed the finish line in 3 hours 8 minutes 22 seconds, side by side with their arms raised. Everyone thought they were acting victorious. They were actually reaching out for a paramedic! A few steps past the finish line, Disney gave everyone a bottle of water and wrapped them in a silver plastic blanket which was quite comfy - NOT! Then the boys saw them . . . their coveted Donald Duck gold medals. As they limped up to receive their metals it was an emotional moment. As they placed the metal around Tim’s neck a tear formed in his eye. It would have happened to Barry too but all the moisture had left his body.
There were 27,000 runners at Disney and Tim and Barry finished third . . . from the end!